Elitisim

This has nothing to do with work. In fact, I've been off the past two days which has been nice. But in these past two days I have realized something kind of ugly about myself: I am a slight elitist.

I don't judge people based on their monetary value or position in life, but there are certain things that I feel that I am better than. This is an issue... considering sometimes those things are unavoidable. Realizing this left an icky taste in my brain, and I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do about it. I'm not sure if there's anything that can be done about it.

And maybe it's not elitist-ness, but it feels like it. A friend jokingly said today, "We're not elitist, we're just a little bit better." I guess this is okay, but it still leaves an unsettling feeling in my being. I base my beliefs on everyone being at least a little bit equal. We all have the same skeleton and muscles and species name. We all have similar genes and behavioral patterns that make us human. This is what biological anthropology has taught me.

But what did biological anthropology teach me about brain structures? Nothing, unless you're comparing human ancestors such as Neandertals or Necrolemurs (not lemurs, btw). But that's just because of the teacher, and also we didn't get beyond human genetic problems. So I have Plato... and Plato has interesting things to say. He wrote about people being set up for their position in life from a young age. Generally, I like to think that humans have free will and can chose what they want to be, but I know that that isn't true.

A blind person is going to have a really hard time being a painter and a person with two metaphorical left feet is going to have a hell of time dancing his or her way to perfection. Not to say that it can't be done, but the chances that these things are going to work is very slim. Was Plato right? More importantly, do I believe that Plato had some valid things to say and that these things make it okay for me to think I'm better than some other people? This is gonna sound bad... but a little bit of yes.

When I was younger, I got picked on a lot. I had confidence issues and those opened me up to some bad experiences. I would come home crying or depressed about people hating me, then I would go and write some really decent angry poetry with metaphors and alliteration and dramatic pauses... but anyway. I recall my parents telling me to ignore them. Others told me that I was better than that and shouldn't try to retaliate (even though I did sometimes. Reading my thoughts about my triumphs in my diary from 2004-2006 might be the most entertaining thing I've done this summer.) So when they say that I'm better than that, I know that they didn't mean that as a person, as a member of the homo sapiens, I was better physically or biologically, but they meant behavior wise. I may not have been. Oh, I was petty and daydreamy and had this idea that I was the greatest, but I honestly thought I was better than them.

I guess it's a thing I have instilled in me, and I want to fix it... but it's difficult. Maybe its not meant to be fixed, just kept under control.

Sorry about the randomosity, I just wanted to get this all out there